Big Boy Diddy – Flash Fiction Story
They call me Big…Boy…Diddy…
giggity…wiggity…tiggy…
ooo yeh…ooo yeh…ooo yeh…
Big…Boy…Diddy…
This is me chilling. Taking in life and taking out crap. Literally.
I’m in the bathroom. On the pot. My words and me. Rollin’…
OYE! STUPID FELLOW!
BLOODY DONKEY!
WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING IN THERE?!
I GIVE YOU FIVE SLAPS! COME OUT!
That’s my old man. Dad. He just doesn’t get my rhythm.
He shouts. All day long. What’s with that?
Tap turns – water running – can’t hear him now.
Hey…Big…Boy…Diddy…
I’m takin’ a little shitty…
Let me be…let me be…let me be…
ooo yeh…ooo yeh…ooo yeh…
Big…Boy…Diddy…
YOU SON OF MONKEY!
I WILL BREAK THIS DOOR!
WHY CAN’T YOU DO QUICKLY?!
I TOLD YOU! DRINK MORE WATER!
This is not going to end. I’ll just give him what he wants.
Splish splash – all clean – tap turns – no more water.
I’m quiet. So is he. There’s tension radiating both ways.
The rickety wooden door can’t take it anymore. I yank it open.
OYE DUFFER! WHY YOU TAKE SO LONG?!
IS THERE WAR GOING ON?! WHO YOU FIGHTING?!
THE FLUSH OR THE SINK?!
He jerks his head sideways to show his irritation.
AND WHAT NONSENSE YOU TALK?! BIG BOY TITTY!
RUBBISH!
I have to correct him. Just can’t resist
It’s Diddy. Not titty. Big…Boy…Diddy…
I snap my fingers in front of his face. He doesn’t like it.
His expression looks too tight and uncomfortable.
The vein in his forehead is bulging. It’s so ugly.
Big…Boy…Diddy…
You remind me of a piggy…
oink…oink…oink…
so stinky…crinkly…winky…
eww…eww…eww…
I don’t say this out loud, but my dad is smarter than he looks.
His lifts and swings his hand but I duck right in time.
Bam! It hits the door frame. I hear a crunch.
His hand could be broken. He howls in pain.
AAAHHA! @#$&*$! *&#$@!
It wouldn’t be the first time. His other hand’s still in a cast.
When will he learn that I’m quicker than he is? Poor guy.
Age makes you a sucker. I’ll probably have to take him to the doctor.
But first, there’s a rhyme that I need to get out of me.
Big…Boy…Diddy…
Hah! You really tried to hit me…
You’re too slow…too slow… too slow…
ooo yeh…ooo yeh…ooo yeh…
Both…hands…broken…
Now who’ll wipe your bottom for ya?
I see him smile for the first time. His teeth are so white.
YOU WILL! BIG BOY TITTY!
BLOODY IDIOT!
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Terveen Gill is a versatile author and writer who has had the pleasure of growing up on two different continents. Having spent her childhood years in the United States, she returned to India, and has since been living in Chandigarh, a beautiful city in North India. Choosing engineering as her path, she obtained a bachelor's degree in Computer Science. However, paths are discovered only to be changed. Life's unpredictable tale made her realize her passion for writing, and thus began a journey that is transforming into a wonderful literary experience. The author of graphic novels and short stories, versatility is her secret weapon. From a storyteller to a film-maker, script-writing, film direction and film editing are pursuits that challenge and enhance her creativity. Her motto is, ‘If it can be imagined, it is already half-done’.
41 Comments
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Gosh, a tangled web this led me through.
Despite the shitty there were some nice bits…..
Let the rhythm take you…
Bit of a shitty rhythm in this one…..
Ouch Don!
Yeah, but that’s the point.
Big Boy Diddy
Make me giddy
Struggle struggle last line
Me try tiddy widdy?
Hopeless…
There is comedy here as I picture this scene in my head. A stubborn father who is having this conversation with his daughter and taking even longer because he can. It is enduring that a daughter could have a conversation like this with her father. So grateful for more than one bathroom … Lovely, Joni
Haha! Yes, more than one bathroom is a saving grace, Joni. I remember as a kid, we had only one bathroom, and my grandmother would sometimes take a lot of time in the morning. Not her fault though. But there were a lot of nerves on edge there.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. 🙂
My pleasure it brought back some memories immediately to me. Very sweet and funny piece. We have to have a sense of humor these days. When I find myself laughing out loud to myself reading a post I consider that a gift. Have a beautiful day and I too feel blessed we have a connection. 🤗🤗
Seriously, we all need to laugh more. Loosen up a bit. It’s really a gift. You have a wonderful day!
So true. You have an amazing day too. Hugs 🤗 Joni
funny… got me smiling too
Thank you so much. The pursuit of the bathroom. And the battle of the kin. Looks like a no-win. 🙂
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Haha! Thanks. 🙂
Taking care of family members has always been part of our life. I once know a woman who can’t pursue her dream and move to a new city for a position she really wants because her own parents need somebody to take care of them. She said she didn’t really think about that lost opportunity that much, but she still couldn’t stop talking about it. Wish AI can help take care of people so that more women can be freed to pursue their own callings.
It’s often the call of duty and responsibility that prevents many women from realizing even the smallest of their dreams. It is unfair and nothing can substitute for a lost opportunity. I agree.
great scatological word play; hip hop on the hop 🙂
Haha! Your words are so appropriate. Thank you John. Though the rhythm of the rhymes are quite off. But try explaining that to a sassy teenager with too much attitude. 🙂
So unique!
Thank you.
It’s got its own stinky attitude. 🙂
Fantastically creative, and, well, hilarious. Loved this one, Terveen. 😄
Thanks so much, Jeff. 🙂
I’m glad you found it funny. The war of the bathroom. Haha.
Nice! I get the the rhythm. I love it. This was really funny. The father may be slow but he’s so wise. You might want to think about putting out a rap album with your amazing lyrics too. Also like the sparkly ad at the bottom. It’s so hypnotic.
Haha!
You’d have to collaborate with me, Tony. I’m serious.
And the father does seem to have the last word in a painful way.
The sparkly ad is supposed to hypnotize you into a dreamy writing state.
Write…write…write… you can’t resist the urge to.
Thanks a lot and take care. 🙂
Very interesting and funny looking forward to seeing more work on laughter 😃. Rhyming was very well done.
Thank you so much! 🙂
I’m glad you liked the rhymes. They definitely made dad lose his temper.
I will surely write more funny ones in the future.
Thanks 😊
This was literally the laughing out loud stuff! Loved the wordplay!
Thank you so much, Aaysid. 🙂
Comical situation.
Always a pleasure, Terveen .🙂
Well, that certainly was a bizarre little adventure, wasn’t it? I like that you’re experimenting with the written word and various rhythms. Keep pushing the envelope, Miss Gill.
Thanks so much, Rhyan.
Though the rhythm had no rhyme. 🙂
Bizarre sounds right. Anything for an unoccupied bathroom.
What can I say… as per usual: I didn’t expect that ending at all. Had to laugh out loud. Who will wipe my bum now… You will. What a great father-son story, between a rap and a few sheets of loo roll. Perfect! You surprise every time.
“between a rap and a few sheets of loo roll” – I Iove this! Lol.
Thank you, Britta.
I’m glad I could make you laugh. 🙂
Strangely addictive! I’ve read it more than once!
A family shitter war. Which begs the question: what inspired this unique piece of writing? I’m laughing because I’m trying to picture the moment of enlightenment and the seed thought.
Haha! First came the rhyme, then came the bathroom, then came the conflict. It just built itself into a crappy battle.
Thank you! 🙂
Laughing.
That made me giggle..😄😄. In this, I liked the repetitive sentences.. It gave the piece a great impact!🤗💗
Haha! Thanks a lot, Diana!
I’m feeling a bit rhymey these days. 🙂
Haha another humorous masterpiece, Terveen.
Where to start? there are lot of things coming to my mind reading the story. Probably this is the best way to depict the generation gap between father and a son. Father is a Delhiite xD. Something I could figure out from the perfect naturally blended slangs. But the best part was the rap!
As always, your funny writings are the best!
Haha! Thanks so much, Mayank.
Yes, typical Indian baap-beta fighting. With a heavy North Indian influence.
Yeah, the rap was the start of this dilemma. I’d say Big Boy Diddy met his match in good old daddy.
Always hoping for a laugh somewhere. 🙂