Hello lovely readers!
You all look so wonderful at a distance. Let’s just keep it that way!
Someone, very special to me, recently asked me a question that hasn’t settled in any corner of my mind. Now you may think, the brain is a semi-roundish contraption, and the mind is an abstraction, so where are the corners?
Could you overlook that? I’m simply speaking metaphorically.
Now where was I?
This question wasn’t a passing thought. It had to do with certain issues and circumstances I have and will be facing. It’s a question not limited to me. You could very well be answering this and have dealt with it in the past. But brushed it off and turned your mind towards more pressing matters.
Am I rambling? Do you wish to know what it is?
Drumroll please. There’s no excitement without a bit of drama.
And the question is:
Do you feel POWERLESS?
When I heard it, I secretly wished I hadn’t. My ensuing silence couldn’t cover for my discomfort, and it surely conveyed my confusion regarding the subject. The word POWERLESS made me feel so weak and insignificant.
It wasn’t a blow to my ego (that monster has a mind of its own), but a sudden poke to my heart which sent nervous signals to my brain.
Beneath that tough exterior I have fought so hard to maintain, there’s a tiny light bulb that flickers on and off, a disrupted power supply could be the culprit to blame. No, I don’t have electricity coursing through my veins.
Though I wish I could zap a few people if that were the case.
This power is in my conscious and the subconscious, a fusion of my contemplations, decisions, actions, and the plentiful regrets that threaten to wreck my carefully built-up persona.
You may be wondering what was my answer to this? I never mince my words. It’s an insult to me, personally and as a writer.
So I blurted out strong words, somewhat the truth, but could easily brand me a liar.
No. I don’t feel powerless.
But yes, I drift through it like a cloud whipped around by the wind.
I then thought and continue to think to this day, how I measure myself upon this sensitive scale. What does power mean to me? Is it physical, mental, or spiritual? Maybe a cocktail of all three.
Two sips and I’m dancing to the tune of all my failures. Pain can be heady and liberating.
I have felt powerless on numerous occasions, and I attribute this not to my weakness, but to the boldness of trying to be strong and fearless. And two shady characters always manage to pop up, their ‘goody two shoes natures’ exempting them from any wrongdoing.
You know them well. They are the friends you hate to deal with.
ACCEPTANCE and TOLERANCE.
These rascals are the reasons for my power outages. The slip from being in control to plain, painful helplessness.
Oh! You say both are positive qualities meant to be uplifting.
Do me a favor! And slap yourself. Hard!
What a bucket load of crap. Don’t tell me that you’ve been accepting and tolerant with a skip in your step and a fruity smile on your face. And if that’s the case, maybe the angels from heaven have descended and it’s time to say our last grace.
Acceptance and tolerance are looked upon as virtues. But practicing them is a hell of a job! Their basic natures lie open like muddy pits. And you can’t escape falling into them and climbing out without copious amounts of dirt and grime clinging to you. The stains sometimes never wash away.
And these past years (one too many) have been an open struggle with the saints of positivity. The acceptance of decisions and outcomes, and the tolerance of circumstances and situations. And believe me, no amount of practice makes either any easier.
It’s a regular rise and fall, and the bruises are deep and dark every time.
There’s no background crescendo or beautiful sunset to ride into.
It’s a rhythmic pattern of going against one’s will to tide over uncontrollable and uncomfortable life conditions.
Why so tough?
Because such instances aren’t simply limited to one individual. They involve others and their specific messes, their actions and decisions, and their own muddy pits and consequential learnings.
Look at it as a chain with many links. The power doesn’t lie in only one link. It’s dependent on the entire chain and the will to stay bound together.
So, unless you’re an odd one out, an independent link with no further connections, you will feel powerless on not one but many occasions. And the associated weight of this presumptuous sin will weigh upon you, quickening your breath, sinking your heart, instilling the dread of hopelessness and meekness.
But do not fear! No, Superman isn’t here. Seriously?!
This feeling of being powerless is a sign of dealing and eventual healing. You will fall and it will hurt. The tears will come (some less, some more), and you will howl in agony. But for how long? There’s a limit to wallowing in misery.
And then you will take the first step. Humongous!
Accept it. Tolerate it. And from this you will carve a new path or turn in a new direction. It may be in agreement or downright rejection. Acceptance and tolerance do not have to be obstructions. They are openings to a new realm, a different way of thinking.
I see that glare in your eye. My gut tells me I know what you’re thinking.
What if accepting and tolerating is out of the question? Then my dear Watson that again is a form of acceptance. Not choosing to conform or abide by the settings around you, and taking the higher or more winding road to a preferable destination, mentally or physically, is your basic right.
The choice will always be yours.
And that’s when that tiny light bulb will glow like the sun in an indigo sky. And you will feel the power returning. It could be a surge or tiny sputters, but the current will get you going. Don’t fight it. Some battles are never meant to be started.
If you have felt powerless, then congratulations to you!
(Handshakes and cheek to cheek kisses — Muah! Muah!)
You are a hero! (No offence to any gender)
For power only comes to those who have felt it slip away. Practicing acceptance and tolerance while initiating diversified thinking. Because the mind is what you want to make it and the heart is a slippery but eager assistant.
I have been powerless. I will be again. But I will enjoy the power that I have gained in between these episodes of darkness.
Charge those batteries. The next power cut may be around the corner. But the gloom will never remain.
Thank you. More power to you!
You’ve been trying to live an ideal life for too long. STOP! Kick the ‘I’ out of Ideal and just Deal with Life!