I feel terrible. Yes, I really do. It was never your fault. You shouldn’t have suffered like that.
Is ignorance bliss? No, it’s life-wrecking. Only fools condone that a lack of awareness can be a beautiful thing. A peaceful way to be.
You should have. You could have.
It never mattered then. It doesn’t matter now. It is what it is. You are what you are.
I really wish I could change that.
But I still don’t know what you are meant to be. Isn’t life an endless possibility?
That smile, those tears, the thoughts that drove your day, the fears that kept you awake at night. Was it all worth it? Did it replace the loneliness that filled you?
How much can a person take? The weight of guilt, the echoes of judgment, unfair glances, snide retorts. It eats at you. Takes you bit by bit till what’s left is unrecognizable.
I didn’t do my part. It was my duty to save you. Embrace you. Love you. Tell you that it’s not you, but the heartless and mindless ones around you. Let’s not forget the ones who didn’t know any better.
Their justifications settled upon you like a second skin. And you wore this indignity with superb poise, camouflaging the poison that seeped from every pore.
If you pretend it doesn’t hurt, it won’t stop. IT HURTS EVEN MORE.
Hah! What was I thinking?
Giving you nothing but expecting everything.
And what about the half-hearted lies of a better tomorrow? You listened to every word. Your eyes searching, your heart shrinking. But a drowning soul has no kith or kin. Only fairy tales have ‘happily ever after’.
You are stronger now. I wish the price you paid hadn’t been so steep. But resilience is an intangible asset.
Please. Please, forgive me. I can’t live with myself. You won’t let me.
I promise to be kinder. You’ll always find me beside you. Never lost. Never forlorn.
Yes, take my hand. Hold it tight. Close your eyes. Breathe in, breathe out.
Now look at me. Ah! You thought I’d be gone. No, I’m here to stay.
I am you and you are me. We were one and will always be. Forever and ever.
That undying spirit that thrives within you.
Donation Man does not think before giving. Charity is his mission. But his name must be on every single thing.
The truest and the purest reassurance.
Thank you. 🙂
“a drowning soul has no kith or kin”. That’s so true. For those of us who grew up in an authoritarian family, it is often difficult for us to relate our feelings with others. Sometimes we have friends who are too conservative or ignorant to acknowledge that we have a need to communicate our feelings; sometimes we experience rejections. My advice is fight on and explore more until one finds one’s tribe and identify people who can really relate with you emotionally. Don’t be discouraged with the rejections and fight on.
It really is a lonely battle. But then temperaments and experiences can never find perfect matches. Loving and supporting oneself is the biggest gift of all. Yes, keep going and never be discouraged. There’s always a silver lining in the darkest cloud. 🙂
there’s a lot of pain in this, but wisdom too —
Thank you John. I guess pain and wisdom are the perfect pair. 🙂
they are indeed; pain is wasted unless wisdom comes out of it —
What a lovely story, Terveen. This one spoke to me deeply. It reminds me of my own journey, which is reflective of so many people, of humanity. I love the line about resilience, indeed, so, so, true, my friend. I love this one.❤️😊
Thank you so much, Jeff. 🙂
It is reflective of human nature and the desire to be loved and comforted. But it all boils down to being there for yourself when there’s no one else to reach out to. Take care.
Indeed. You’re most welcome, Terveen. 😊
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Gosh Terveen, for a minute there I thought you were talking about me. LOL. I have that undying spirit too. Nothing has stopped me or killed me off , yet!
Haha! I’m so glad this resonates with you. There’s no stopping a strong and determined spirit. To many more battles ahead of us. Thank you, Shobana. 🙂
I don’t think that I’ve ever read a short story piece like this before told from such a unique perspective. This was one of those stories I had to read multiple times to fully take it all in and appreciate every word. These thoughts are incredibly deep, reflective and sad. They merely described the feelings, but one can imagine what sort of situations prompted them. This reminds me of an alter-ego character I once created called. Mrs. Phantasmagorical. Granted, she was the opposite – my psychologist once told me to name the voice in my head that would put me down and tell me that I was worthless everyday because giving it a name would help me to realise these negative feelings. I’d write stories about the evil Mrs. Phantasmagorical and all of the ways she would torture me everyday while she ruled over the palace of my mind with her husband Mr. Determination who was never quite brave enough to stand up against his controlling wife, and their twin teenage sons Loneliness and Laziness. Cowardice was the grounds keeper, he would tend to the outside while fortifying the palace against strangers so that they could never truly be let in. Anyways, I don’t know why I usually write these long comments going on and on. Just know that this story truly touched me ❤
Simone, let me first say, I love reading your comments. So please, let them be as long as they want. I look forward to your reflections and your experiences, and the bits of knowledge and wisdom within them. I love how you categorized and fictionalized the positive and negative traits. I would love to read one of these stories if you wish to share it. It really is a struggle to deal with negativity. Even the slightest feeling can literally demolish a person’s peace of mind. The struggle may be long and hard and actually endless, but the power it grants is limitless. And one should actually acknowledge this and cherish it. Mrs. Phantasmagorical actually does sound like a horrible character. Her name is quite a tongue-twister. The story I wrote does come from a deep and dark place. That’s where the sparks of realization are born. Thank you so much for sharing and caring. It means a lot to me. 🙂
As the saying goes, “Hindsight is twenty-twenty” and things often become clearer with a little distance and objective scrutiny. The hardest truth to face is that you and your behaviors might have been the problem in a relationship, be it intimate, family or friends.
Deciding after the fact that a former relationship is worth trying to repair, and accepting your part in the things that damaged it and attempting to make amends to restore it to a healthier state takes bravery and commitment, and the repairer should be commend for the effort even if the damage done is permanent and the relationship isn’t salvageable.
Someone compiled a list of 3-word sentences that have the power to develop new friendships, deepen old ones and even bring healing to relationships that have soured. While I can’t recall the entire thing, it went something like:
Let me help.
I understand you.
I respect you.
Maybe you’re right.
Please forgive me.
I realize that none of my rambling may have been your intent while writing this piece but that’s what it brought to mind for me.
Always a pleasure to read your writing.
I respect you.
Rhyan, you’re a deep well of wisdom and many many stories. You are absolutely right. It’s the realization and effort put into any type of rectification that really matters. One can say – It’s too late. That may be true since time and tide wait for no one. But to be at peace with oneself and also make the other aware of good intentions is never a waste. Why not make amends if the feeling is strong and the conscious is willing?
But then again humans are prone to holding grudges. I am to some extent one of them. But it does bother me from time to time. Can’t carry anything along when finally dead. So might as well let go now.
And the sentences are truly genuine. Can never go wrong with them.
It’s an honor to know you. And the respect is mutual. 🙂