Okay! Here she comes.
Please move!
Get the hell out of her way!
Can’t you see she’s in a hurry? Everything probably looks so blurry. It’s not impaired vision but the tears in her eyes. No, it’s not inconsolable sorrow. It’s her bloody profession.
She cries when she wants to. Her services are much in demand. There’s a waiting period of roughly two months. So, if someone’s about to die, or you need some help to cry, call this number and be prepared for a card or cash transfer.
Fifty for slight sniffles. Hundred for a steady stream. Two hundred for blown-out sobbing hysteria. Screaming and cursing inclusive.
No refunds. No EMI. No cry first and then pay later.
Mind it! No bargaining.
Look at her go. Those pretty pearls and bouncy curls. She swings to the left and then to the right. It’s not dancing but the art of mourning. Simple tears don’t convey the grief intended. Your dropped jaw and round eyes are sufficient thank-you.
All that crying makes her weary and thirsty. Two glasses of water spiked with gin and vodka. That should do it. Oh! Look at the time. An hour gone by.
Good-bye. Good-bye.
She leaves you in tears and the jarring fear of your own impending death. Now, that’s a job well done. A generous tip would be fine. I can see you’re still drooling over her.
How about getting that stiff to his grave? He’s melting like a nasty cheesecake.
Three more to go before the day is done. One dead woman, a recovering divorcee, and an old, stubborn man on the verge of dying. Hopefully, he’ll be kind and stick to the tight schedule.
Or you can reschedule. The money won’t be adjusted.
She wipes her face, touches up her make-up, and blows out her stuffy nose. It’s wrong to carry over another’s woes.
Alright! Out of her way!
3-2-1. Repeat now.
She longs to live a happy life. But Servant Girl Munni is so lonely. The crack in the door her only respite.
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They used to have professional mourners in Punjab, or they probably still do. They would come and beat their chests and cry/howl till the dead person was taken away for cremation or burial.
That’s right! It probably still takes place. So much needless drama for the benefit of whom – God knows…
Thanks so much for sharing this. 🙂
You’re probably not going to believe this but I knew someone who was a professional moirologist (which is what they’re called), and she pulled in a pretty decent salary from it. She was an actress who had the ability to cry on command so a friend of a friend hooked her up with a contact and she booked a lot of funerals in between acting gigs.
I accompanied her on one funeral and was bored to tears but I have to admit she pulled it off expertly. I’m not sure if she’s still doing it but power to her, and to you, Terveen, for the splendid job, as always.
Rhyan, I’m a bit jealous of your intriguing and happening life – past, present, and future.
Of course, a good actress could pull this off. Is it an ode to the dead or an incentive to the ones left behind to cry and be over with it.
Really have no idea.
But crying on cue does take some talent. And hats off to those who earn a few bucks for it.
Maybe the mournful ambience demands a steady sob vibe. 🙂
Thank you always!
There is absolutely no need for jealous. I walk a boring road that sometimes crosses paths briefly with interesting people, such as yourself.
Like I mentioned, I was bored out of my skull, but then again, I’ve never cared much for funerals. A strange thing to say, but I’ve known people that actually get a kick out of crashing funerals and wakes. Takes all kinds, I suppose.
As for the actress, she had what I’d call a “background cry”, never too loud, never drawing attention away from the grief of actual loved ones, but just enough to set the sorrowful tone of the room.
She was masterful, and I was the trying-not-to-smile gentleman with a consoling arm around her, gently patting her shoulder.
Oh, and to answer your question, wakes and funerals are definitely for the living to purge their regrets, sorrow, and loss in order to get back to the day to day grind of existence. I can totally understand those who chose to celebrate rather than mourn.
Ding dong the witch is dead.
HAHA! Why do I feel like I’ve found a home. 🙂
Indeed dramatic! I wonder if I could ever muster the courage to do so myself. Crashing a funeral seems like such a gloomy affair. For someone already fed up with the living, the dead don’t seem too appealing. Thanks for all this wonderful sharing! 🙂
Does such a profession really exist? If it does, I am surprised. If it does not, good work with your imagination 🙂 I like the touch of humor in it 🙂 As usual, no happy ending 🤣
I guess the comments state that such practices do exist.
And I’ve heard of it too.
And about happy endings…
She’s earning a living by crying her eyes out. She’s saving all her happiness for spending that money.
Isn’t that a joyful ending?
Or maybe not…🙂
Ah you may have a point there! 🙂
But who will cry when the professionals die?
Nice rhythm in the story. Well penned!
She mentors the children….runs in the family CD
Haha! Now that’s a tough one. Probably need a Part 2 somewhere.
Thanks so much! 🙂
a brilliant conceit: I love it 🙂
Thank you so much, John!
I really appreciate the compliment.
Tears of joy! 🙂
Good ride into the imagination Terveen……cleverly done
The short line/s work well rather than big blocks of text….helps to break it up
Can I book her now for when I depart? Nah, probably too far to come…..oh well, nice thought
If you pay well she may do the long hull flight
Good to know….
Lol! Now that’s a thought.
Don, you still have many years to go. I think advance booking doesn’t work that way.
And Skip doesn’t seem to happy to hear this – Hey Mate! Where the hell do you think you’re going?!
So just chill and many many thanks. 🙂
I absolutely love this! You are just great!
Haha! Thank you so much!
Can I cry now? 🙂
Oh hold your flood gate, remember there is no afterpay? I haven’t paid in full yet,😉
Oh! Thanks! I almost slipped with that. Damn tears. Can’t see what I’m doing. 🙂
😃
Heartbreaking from the anxiety, whimsical in just the right places to relieve just enough tension while keeping a sense of gravity to your emotional muse. Well-done!
Wanted to manage a mixture of emotions, though humor was the basic idea. But this story does provoke a sense of sadness at the necessity of hiring a professional crier, and the inevitable bomb of death that will eventually drop upon everyone.
Makes one wonder…
Thank you so much! 🙂
Bravo, my friend. Laughing, smiling, and also reflecting upon the reality that there are many people, as was once the case with myself, that are unable to actually cry due to various reasons, such as childhood socialization that demanded otherwise. I am super glad that this is not the case for me anymore; and I appreciate all of the emotions I received while reading this wonderful story, Terveen.😊
Thanks so much for sharing this, Jeff. Yes, crying isn’t easy for everyone. It’s more a mental obstruction and has to do with various issues that one may have faced in one’s life. I’m glad you feel more at ease now. It’s liberating to have a good cry. 🙂
You’re most welcome, my friend. Much more at ease, thank you, Terveen; and, yes, a good cry is so liberating. Agreed. 😊
Yes Terveen there are professional criers in villages.All the women who come to mourn the dead are no less than the professional criers.But they are not paid.
That’s so true. They probably just need to create a sorrowful atmosphere. But I think it can be overbearing for the family involved. Thanks for sharing this. 🙂
I know that there are women who are paid to cry at funerals. What an occupation. Love your story as always!
Thank you, Shobana. It is indeed a strange way to earn money. But then, a job is just a job. 🙂
Love your verses and the free style of telling a compelling story. And it is witty and full of verve. I love it.
Thank you so much. Tried to add some rhythm to the lines. To lift the crying spirit. Humor is always an added perk. 🙂
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I’ve always found it so crazy that people hire professional mourners for funerals. Surely if you cared about the person dying then you’d be showing the appropiate amount of emotion when they were buried – whether that’s crying, trying to be strong by holding it in, or anything. There’s no set way to grieve. And then hiring someone like this just makes it all seem like it’s for appearance sake and like it’s insincere. I like how you described it in the story, the main character seems to see it that way too in a very insincere light – they’re just rushing and focusing merely on the job aspects like money and timings – not on the actual dead people she’s mourning.
I guess when it’s taken as a profession then emotion has little to do with it. And people do a lot for show, so why not grieving. It’s as if impressing others is the only purpose left to anything these days.
Genuineness has taken a backseat and shallow existence is the way to go.
Maybe it makes dealing with feelings and emotions easier. I’m just guessing. So let’s leave this lady to impressing and expressing with her teary ways.
As always thank you so much for the lovely feedback and added thoughts. 🙂
professional crisis actors. No onions needed to cry… very clever, creative and with a sense of comical reserve. loved it!
Yes, this does have a humorous side to it. Professional criers have their work cut out for them. Shedding tears with conviction isn’t an easy task. Haha.
Thank you so much! 🙂