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‘Please let me pee!’

My words elicited no response. My full bladder was squealing like a pig about to be slaughtered.

Five minutes are a lot when you’re controlling the urge to urinate. I should’ve just emptied myself on the train. But the lateral motion was a turn off. It’s tough for me to go when there’s a perpetual sway.

So, I waited like a fool. And now feared to be standing in a yellow pool if the women at the door didn’t let me through. They just looked at me and shrugged their shoulders.

‘No English.’

I wish I could scream, but it would only pull the plug that abated the flow of discomfort swishing inside me. I didn’t request a conversation. Just needed to use the damn bathroom. And they were standing right outside it.

What else did they think I wanted?

‘I have to go wee-wee. Sssssssss.’

I returned to my childhood days when my mother would run after me. She’d grab me and plonk me on the pot. Her irritable words coaxing a wet response.

Sunny! Sssssssss…hurry up.

But the sound from my mouth died like the hope inside me, and the women continued to stare like I was a talking parrot. Maybe if I was green and had feathers, I’d be relieved of this misery.

Birds don’t pee, do they?

It was time to hold my crotch and bob up and down, flexing my knees like a tribal dancer. A desperate, last attempt to save myself from dripping embarrassment.

Both women pulled back their shoulders and pinched their noses like they could smell the impending disaster. Finally, some hope and understanding.

One pointed down the platform.

‘Bathroom.’

I looked at the door in front me. Where the hell had I been standing?

One laughed and made tiny hand and mouth gestures. The door opened to the staff canteen.

I hobbled away. A warm burst ran down my legs. Turned out I was the pissing idiot.


Rocky XOXO the Cobra must live up to his social media image. But his reality is little more than a swearing idiot.

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44 Comments on “Please Let Me Pee! – Flash Fiction Story

  1. Quite funny. This is a difficult topic to write about. But you did it so well.

  2. Haha! That was a hilarious read. I have been in situations like that as well. I absolutely love the way you write, in general. Keeps the readers hooked.
    ^.^

  3. A grown woman saying, ‘I have to go wee-wee.’ while holding her crotch, bobbing up and down and flexing her knees like a tribal dancer, conjures an image that is cute and funny while being cringe-inducing at the same time.

    I was about to say that it’s better to be pissed off than pissed on…but then I remembered that some preferred showers of the golden variety.

    So, maybe a happy ending (not that kind, get your mind out of the gutter!) depending on how her freak flag flies?

    Hey, no judgments.

    • The constipation of one-sided conversations can make the most elegant swing about like monkeys.
      And yes pissing of any kind is prohibited unless it’s of a higher order.
      Speaking of happy endings, in this case it would have been contrary to the burst of the dam of the Yellow River.
      And now after reading this, my mind is definitely staying in the gutter. (Shame shame)
      Thank you as always for the delightful and colorful banter. 🙂

      • I’m about to sully your post with a bad urine joke I heard recently (feel free to delete it) because I wasn’t raised any better.

        Asda installed a medical kiosk, for £10 and a urine sample, it would diagnose any condition.

        A man visited the kiosk with a sore elbow and the computer printout read: “You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks.” Impressed, the man wondered if he could fool the machine.

        He mixed tap water with dog poo, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and then pleasured himself into the mixture.

        When he put the sample into the machine the next day, the printout read:

        “1. Your tap water is too hard. Use softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Give it antibiotics. 3. Your daughter is on cocaine. Get her to rehab. 4. Your wife is expecting twins. Not yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you keep playing with yourself, your effing tennis elbow won’t get better! Thank you for shopping at Asda.”

        • (In case you need to replace the above comment)

          This post is so hysterical, I nearly wet myself! Who needs more posts like this? Wee do! Wee do! Urine rare form today!

        • Shame on me for missing this. This joke is hilarious. It says a lot about toxic concoctions. Who would’ve thought one-sided play could give you tennis elbow. And Asda must be pissing over the moon for such an accurate diagnosis. You are creative in your own writing as well as sharing such wonderful side jokes and stories. I think I now expect them from you. 🙂

          • Now, methinks you are merely humoring me, Terveen of House Gill, for that joke was anything but hilarious.

  4. HAHAHA.. the urgency, the frustration, the desperation of the situation could all be felt.. nicely written. And such instances often tend to be funny when you are able to look back at them. Good that you have been able to !

    • Thank you, Sohrab!
      There’s always a good laugh when you look back. The trouble is only when you’re going through it. And yes, such situations are frustrating, causing a person to reach the heights of desperation.
      Wish you many more laughs in the future.🙂

  5. This is great. Awesome job capturing the physical and emotional experience here. Very fresh language, very fun 😁

    • Thank you so much! It was a challenge to write from a general perspective. After all, everyone needs to pee. Appreciate your support! 🙂

  6. Oh my, what a funny story, Terveen. 😆 We’ve all been there, need to go, and where do we go…awesome story, my friend. 😊

  7. I believe this company are also developing a mini-version to fit in the handbag Terv to cater for those ‘awkward’ moments you describe. Don’t ask me how it addresses the privacy angle. It’s under tight wraps at present. A blowup bubble of privacy? poof.. Sheesh Terveen what would onlookers say? I know what I would say…get knotted, when ya gotta go ya gotta go (as we Orstalians would say)…….ahhh, relief….

    https://donmatthewspoetry.com/2021/02/05/wellness-toilet/

    He’s mad…..

    No, just different….

    • A mini version seems like some type of diversion. Does privacy really matter when you’re about to splatter? I think take the best option and just do what you have to do. Don, this is hilarious!
      Now that’s something to flush down. 🙂

      • Your challenge is ‘flush’ , poet…..go for it

        OK…..

        My poetry is simple
        Just flows out of my brain
        Sometimes it comes out drivel
        Worth flushing down the drain

        gurgle gurgle

        Happy?…..

        Go to the top of the class….

        Haha

  8. Pingback: Save It White Supremacist - Flash Fiction Story | It Ain't Right Till I Write

  9. You did get the whole situation exposed well in this write Terveen, lol. funny but how true when you are in that state of emergency.

  10. XD I LOVE the humour in your stories – this one was extremely enjoyable! And your metaphors and similies in this one were SPOT ON and masterfully-crafted. I could just so clearly picture this happening and I think that I’ve actually seen many occurances like this in real life – I wonder why I don’t see it written down in stories that much. I’ve definitely partaken in that ‘tribal dance’ before, or a variation of it, while I was trying to hold it in XD

    • Haha! When you gotta go, you gotta go.
      It’s a tough situation to be in and holding it in is no less than a self-inflicted battle.
      I think many writers don’t like to delve into certain toxic topics. Haha!
      But I write what I know and what I’m trying to figure out. It’s a great feeling to just let go and write – freely.
      Thank you so much! 🙂

  11. I can relate. Years ago on the way to see the band Chicago in Hollywood, CA, we got clogged in a massive traffic jam on the freeway. I was about to burst, so asked if anyone had a cup. Miracles of miracles! A girl sitting in front passed me a tin collapsible. It was such a relief I felt no shame.

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