‘Please let me pee!’
My words elicited no response. My full bladder was squealing like a pig about to be slaughtered.
Five minutes are a lot when you’re controlling the urge to urinate. I should’ve just emptied myself on the train. But the lateral motion was a turn off. It’s tough for me to go when there’s a perpetual sway.
So, I waited like a fool. And now feared to be standing in a yellow pool if the women at the door didn’t let me through. They just looked at me and shrugged their shoulders.
‘No English.’
I wish I could scream, but it would only pull the plug that abated the flow of discomfort swishing inside me. I didn’t request a conversation. Just needed to use the damn bathroom. And they were standing right outside it.
What else did they think I wanted?
‘I have to go wee-wee. Sssssssss.’
I returned to my childhood days when my mother would run after me. She’d grab me and plonk me on the pot. Her irritable words coaxing a wet response.
Sunny! Sssssssss…hurry up.
But the sound from my mouth died like the hope inside me, and the women continued to stare like I was a talking parrot. Maybe if I was green and had feathers, I’d be relieved of this misery.
Birds don’t pee, do they?
It was time to hold my crotch and bob up and down, flexing my knees like a tribal dancer. A desperate, last attempt to save myself from dripping embarrassment.
Both women pulled back their shoulders and pinched their noses like they could smell the impending disaster. Finally, some hope and understanding.
One pointed down the platform.
‘Bathroom.’
I looked at the door in front me. Where the hell had I been standing?
One laughed and made tiny hand and mouth gestures. The door opened to the staff canteen.
I hobbled away. A warm burst ran down my legs. Turned out I was the pissing idiot.
Rocky XOXO the Cobra must live up to his social media image. But his reality is little more than a swearing idiot.
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Quite funny. This is a difficult topic to write about. But you did it so well.
Thanks so much! I was under a lot of pressure! 🙂
Haha! That was a hilarious read. I have been in situations like that as well. I absolutely love the way you write, in general. Keeps the readers hooked.
^.^
Thank you so much! Just dug your comment out of spam. I have no idea how it got there. That could be a weird story. Appreciate your encouraging words. 🙂
Aww! You’re welcome. Keep writing. ^-^
Beautifully written about nature’s call emergency.It’s hilarious
Haha! It was quite an urgency. Thank you so much. 🙂
terrifically told story,a topic rarely covered in flash fiction. I’v been there; I loved it 🙂
Nature’s call can be quite a dilemma if not addressed on time. Thank you so much. 🙂
Slash fiction.
x
Thank you, Nick. 🙂
New pic Nick? Slashing dashing…..
🙂
Don’t let ‘slashing dashing’ go to your head now….
A grown woman saying, ‘I have to go wee-wee.’ while holding her crotch, bobbing up and down and flexing her knees like a tribal dancer, conjures an image that is cute and funny while being cringe-inducing at the same time.
I was about to say that it’s better to be pissed off than pissed on…but then I remembered that some preferred showers of the golden variety.
So, maybe a happy ending (not that kind, get your mind out of the gutter!) depending on how her freak flag flies?
Hey, no judgments.
The constipation of one-sided conversations can make the most elegant swing about like monkeys.
And yes pissing of any kind is prohibited unless it’s of a higher order.
Speaking of happy endings, in this case it would have been contrary to the burst of the dam of the Yellow River.
And now after reading this, my mind is definitely staying in the gutter. (Shame shame)
Thank you as always for the delightful and colorful banter. 🙂
I’m about to sully your post with a bad urine joke I heard recently (feel free to delete it) because I wasn’t raised any better.
Asda installed a medical kiosk, for £10 and a urine sample, it would diagnose any condition.
A man visited the kiosk with a sore elbow and the computer printout read: “You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks.” Impressed, the man wondered if he could fool the machine.
He mixed tap water with dog poo, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and then pleasured himself into the mixture.
When he put the sample into the machine the next day, the printout read:
“1. Your tap water is too hard. Use softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Give it antibiotics. 3. Your daughter is on cocaine. Get her to rehab. 4. Your wife is expecting twins. Not yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you keep playing with yourself, your effing tennis elbow won’t get better! Thank you for shopping at Asda.”
(In case you need to replace the above comment)
This post is so hysterical, I nearly wet myself! Who needs more posts like this? Wee do! Wee do! Urine rare form today!
The best line Madd_Fictional is ‘ Thank you for shopping at Asda’……
Mad_Fictional…..unlike the Asda medical kiosk for analyzing body whatsits (scientifically real) I am reminded of another analytical toilet being developed (purely fictional I believe)…
https://donmatthewspoetry.com/2021/02/05/wellness-toilet/
Shame on me for missing this. This joke is hilarious. It says a lot about toxic concoctions. Who would’ve thought one-sided play could give you tennis elbow. And Asda must be pissing over the moon for such an accurate diagnosis. You are creative in your own writing as well as sharing such wonderful side jokes and stories. I think I now expect them from you. 🙂
Now, methinks you are merely humoring me, Terveen of House Gill, for that joke was anything but hilarious.
HAHAHA.. the urgency, the frustration, the desperation of the situation could all be felt.. nicely written. And such instances often tend to be funny when you are able to look back at them. Good that you have been able to !
Thank you, Sohrab!
There’s always a good laugh when you look back. The trouble is only when you’re going through it. And yes, such situations are frustrating, causing a person to reach the heights of desperation.
Wish you many more laughs in the future.🙂
This is great. Awesome job capturing the physical and emotional experience here. Very fresh language, very fun 😁
Thank you so much! It was a challenge to write from a general perspective. After all, everyone needs to pee. Appreciate your support! 🙂
I’m confused? Why no sign on door saying ‘Staff Canteen’? A Chinese train? Of course……no English
It seems the protagonist chose the door less opened. Probably some crazy fancy when you’re about to explode down under.
Couldn’t resist again. Lol!
Writer’s license……
Oh my, what a funny story, Terveen. 😆 We’ve all been there, need to go, and where do we go…awesome story, my friend. 😊
Thank you, Jeff. It is really relatable! 🙂
I believe this company are also developing a mini-version to fit in the handbag Terv to cater for those ‘awkward’ moments you describe. Don’t ask me how it addresses the privacy angle. It’s under tight wraps at present. A blowup bubble of privacy? poof.. Sheesh Terveen what would onlookers say? I know what I would say…get knotted, when ya gotta go ya gotta go (as we Orstalians would say)…….ahhh, relief….
https://donmatthewspoetry.com/2021/02/05/wellness-toilet/
He’s mad…..
No, just different….
A mini version seems like some type of diversion. Does privacy really matter when you’re about to splatter? I think take the best option and just do what you have to do. Don, this is hilarious!
Now that’s something to flush down. 🙂
Imagination is a great tool Terveen…many are too grounded in the real world to let go and fly….
Which leads me to……
Your challenge is ‘flush’ , poet…..go for it
OK…..
My poetry is simple
Just flows out of my brain
Sometimes it comes out drivel
Worth flushing down the drain
gurgle gurgle
Happy?…..
Go to the top of the class….
Haha
I admire your spontaneity. That is real talent. I’m flushed in the face by your writing. 🙂
Thankyou…..flush on Terv….. just looks like rouge
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You did get the whole situation exposed well in this write Terveen, lol. funny but how true when you are in that state of emergency.
Haha! We all know it. Thanks a lot Shobana! 🙂
XD I LOVE the humour in your stories – this one was extremely enjoyable! And your metaphors and similies in this one were SPOT ON and masterfully-crafted. I could just so clearly picture this happening and I think that I’ve actually seen many occurances like this in real life – I wonder why I don’t see it written down in stories that much. I’ve definitely partaken in that ‘tribal dance’ before, or a variation of it, while I was trying to hold it in XD
Haha! When you gotta go, you gotta go.
It’s a tough situation to be in and holding it in is no less than a self-inflicted battle.
I think many writers don’t like to delve into certain toxic topics. Haha!
But I write what I know and what I’m trying to figure out. It’s a great feeling to just let go and write – freely.
Thank you so much! 🙂
I can relate. Years ago on the way to see the band Chicago in Hollywood, CA, we got clogged in a massive traffic jam on the freeway. I was about to burst, so asked if anyone had a cup. Miracles of miracles! A girl sitting in front passed me a tin collapsible. It was such a relief I felt no shame.
Haha! Thanks for sharing this, Dianne. No, there is no shame when you have to go. 🙂
Worst feeling ever. A gold mine for a topic because everyone can relate but few think to write about it. In 1979, I was in a race in Greece and was getting plenty of water but there seemed to be no portable toilets on the course. Finally I ran over to the side of a building out in public and relieved myself. I felt awful for doing it and it must have disgusted people but I ran out of choices.
I can completely understand that feeling. When you have to go really bad there is no proper time or place. And though one can hold it in (but not forever), a screaming bladder has to be heard and answered. Thanks for sharing this, Geoff. Water can put a person under a lot of pressure. Haha! 🙂
What a horrible experience at any age. I can’t imagine. It sounds like the women were just not being kind. They could have let you go into the canteen. How awful. If they didn’t understand what you were saying how did they not know you wanted the canteen. People can be so unkind. Great story telling. You got me worked up that is for sure. Maybe you should have peed on their shoes. 🦋
Haha! That would have been an eye-opener for the two. It’s easy to let language become a barrier. But real understanding comes from compassion and relatability. And always look for a restroom well in time. Or else, face the consequences. Thanks so much, Joni. 🙂