I had always imagined this moment to be perfect. Smiling faces. Warm hugs. The kindest words and loving wishes. They would come with a breath of excitement, a glint of curiosity in their eyes. There would be concern and snippets of admiration. Baskets of advice, platters of reassurance, plenty of wholehearted goodness. I would laugh and maybe cry, still gripped by disbelief, making sense of the miracle I had just created.
How can I forget the gifts? They would be wrapped in love, colorful bows accentuating the kindness. Some for me, some for the wonder cradled in my arms. Tiny shoes, cozy blankets, pacifiers, rattles, dark chocolates and wild orchids, my favorite. Soft compliments and blessings cautiously embracing the tiny bundle.
Just like her mama.
Hah, look at her smile.
God bless her.
They would tell me to rest. And think pretty thoughts. No longer just a woman, I was also a mother. My world had expanded. A new sun had risen. My days would be drenched in its shimmering light. Gradually learning as I went along. There was no instruction manual for a new mother.
Sleepless nights, dirty nappies, endless feeds, ear-piercing cries. I would try to hide it, but they would notice my apprehension. Gentle words, a squeeze of the hand, tiny peck on the cheek, whatever it took to make my fears vanish. There would be lullabies and cuddles, kisses and laughs, wordless conversations, heart to heart bonding.
Yes, it would have been wonderful. So much love is uncontainable. I would have done this. I could have done that. Life with her would have been so beautiful. She is asleep in my arms. They have finally come – to take her. Adoption, the best solution.
I’m only seventeen. They said she’ll be better off without me.