Oooooh writer, you think you’re so cool.
Oooooh writer, the ever-suffering fool.
I see that page, that pen, that look in your eye. It’s not cannabis that gives you that overwhelming high.
Your mind is a wonderland, though that body could use some work. What do you put into it?
Coffee – coffee – tea – coffee – coffee – Wheeeeee!
Oooooh writer, the way you sit and tap those keys.
Oooooh writer, you make so many weak in the knees.
You spill your heart, you splash your mind, your guts take a solid beating. Hundred words don’t seem too much, but they carry so much meaning.
Voices and stares intrude your sacred space. You want to scream. But you push them away with that disgruntled face.
Oooooh writer, mommy loves what you write.
Oooooh writer, daddy is really trying to love it too.
Your first book. Your fifty-seventh poem. Your write-up on constipation. Which way do you think you’re going?
There’s a line that divides. Which side do you stand on? Do you write to live or are you dying to write? Don’t always grin and bear it. That looks kind of stupid.
Oooooh writer, you got to pay those bills.
Oooooh writer, some words ain’t worth a dime.
Why won’t they read you? Maybe you need to beg. How about stand at the street corner and yell – A free hug with every book! That ought to make them come running.
Change that boring style. Not your writing, those clothes and that outdated look. Add some feathers or a pom-pom. Splurge on chains, hooks, and handcuffs. You’re the one who shrieks good writing is creative bondage.
Oooooh writer, show us what you got.
Oooooh writer, crap out every lousy thought.
Step out in your tightest attire. Don’t worry about that paunch, it’ll squeeze and rise to your chest. Readers love an ample bosom.
Men, you may want to think this through.
Write till you drop. Who needs to shop? You’ll never buy anything with those measly donations.
Oooooh writer, you’ve got so much skill.
Oooooh writer, your profession is a sour pill.
Every day you swallow and cringe. Like for a like, follow for a follow. Please leave a review. Let me know what you think. You’re the bewildered captain of your own sinking ship.
But never despair, your friends and well-wishers are there.
What?! They never read what you write?
That’s the saddest story you’ve ever told.
You deserve a Pulitzer.